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Closed adoption vs. open adoption

mamatee Posted at 20:55 on Sun, 09/21/2008
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We have been doing some soul searching over which is a better option for us, closed or open adoption. We never intend to pretend that I actually gave birth to our new child so I am not worried about him/her "finding out". We both feel that to be good parents, we need to be open and honest with any children we have. This is not to judge anyone else's decision but this is how we feel about it.

I have been leaning towards an open adoption as I think it would be good to help someone who wants to be involved with their child's life but for whatever reason cannot care for one. My husband has some reservations over this alternative, not the least of which is what happens if the natural mother turns out to be less than desirable as a human being. His concern is that we won't really know her and she could end up wreaking havoc with us or the baby down the road.

Is there any middle-of-the-road options available?

‹ Do some soul searching before adoption "You're not my dad!" ›

Comments

this is a tough one

admin Posted at 09:57 on Thu, 09/25/2008

I think it will depend very much on the child you adopt. If during the process you connect with the adoptive parent(s) and feel that staying in touch is a good idea, then by all means doing an open adoption may work out. In most cases though adoptive parents prefer to not get involved after the process is complete, or simply are no longer there.

I think this is something you will need to negotiate with your husband though before you jump in because you want to maintain consensus so the child has a stable beginning with you.

Let us know how you decide

Good luck to you!

 This is a question many

Johnathen Posted at 21:08 on Tue, 09/06/2011

 This is a question many people face and I think it's important to do whatever you think is best for the child. Open adoption can become tricky because the child may become cofused and proper training is important to know how to deal with these situations. (Not that you need to go to therapy but it may be a good idea to make sure you're on the right track)

 I think I would personally

Melanie Posted at 07:08 on Wed, 09/07/2011

 I think I would personally go for a closed adoption because it would be easier for me. Open adoption seems like it would be tough to deal with. Just my personal preferance.